Why all partnerships should begin with the ending in mind
We are stepping into futures with increasing complexity and the social and environmental challenges ahead are connected in many ways - it makes sense then that, we tackle those challenges in a connected way.
Collaborations that bring diverse people with different skills, experiences and resources together will be crucial to our success. But lately, there is a common thread to the conversation when I mention the word ‘partnerships’ among my network of business peers - the ending.
“It was messy… like a divorce and I feel like I lost my best friend in the process.”
“We were over 10 years in when I realised I could no longer continue in a partnership with this person. So much of what we built could not be untangled, so inevitably I was the one to walk away with nothing.”
“I see so many people who have built successful partnerships only to spend years caught up in the nasty business of closing things out.”
Do any of these statements sound familiar to you? While they sound a lot like the types of statements you hear at the ending of many personal relationships, they are actually reflections from professional partnerships.
The question I always ask when I hear these types of stories is: “So what did you discuss in relation to your exit strategy when you established the partnership?” The answer I generally hear is, “We didn’t, but I wish we did.”
‘Break-ups’ happen in work life too
The reason it feels like a divorce is because your partnership isn’t simply summed up by what you have created, it’s the also relationships that you have spent time and energy cultivating in the same way you would a personal relationship. Esther Perel describes it perfectly in Episode 1 of the ‘How’s Work?’ podcast ‘The Break-up’. In this episode, Esther counsels two former fighter pilots who have co-founded a successful business together and are considering a separation:
Guest: “It feels like a break-up”
Esther: “It doesn’t feel, it is, it is a separation - it’s not a break up - but it is a separation… It’s not just a feeling, it’s an embodied experience.”
I connected with a peer who has recently emerged from a highly successful purpose-led partnership which for all intents and purposes appeared to be thriving. I asked them for their thoughts on ‘endings’:
“I think many people plan for ‘endings’ that are rational and pragmatic (as opposed to emotional). However, there’s often little thought about situations where one or more actors in the partnership come to the ending irrational and emotional which is where we ended up.”
So, I want to stress right now that before you even consider a partnership, you need to do your due diligence, lay the ground work and truly get to know who you plan to partner with. I’ll be working on a separate blog around this in coming months so stay tuned.
You need a ‘pre-nup’
Not to sound like a buzzkill but that moment after you’ve laid down the initial groundwork and decided to partner is the ideal time to talk about the ending. This beautiful passion-fueled time when you have unwavering energy is the ideal time to dream not just about the end (your vision, your goals, what you stand for), but about the ending itself. This is because the emotional charge of a ‘break-up’ isn’t there at the begining, you’re riding the wave of your upcoming ‘nuptials’ and when the things you stand to lose haven’t been created yet, the fear of loss isn’t influencing your decision-making.
“We've seen the best of business partnerships end sourly - because they didn't have open and frank discussions about how they wanted it to end. All businesses end, and if you don't talk and write down your intentions of how you both plan to exit, then the only people benefitting are the lawyers."
- Sarah Pilling, Partner at Bramble and Briar
Exploring the ‘ending’ to your story
The book, Conscious Uncoupling, by Katherine Woodward Thomas begins with: “Much of the horror of a breakup is the insult to our expectations of how this story was supposed to unfold versus how it actually did.” So, to lessen the horror - you need to get in control of the story early.
There are three important questions you can begin with when exploring the ‘ending’. They are also the types of questions that can bring your partnership vision and goals to the surface, so my recommendation is to build them into your early conversations about the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ of your partnership. Start by asking all partners this one powerful question:
1. So, what is it that you will have achieved that would make you satisfied to walk away from this all? [What’s your winning story? What would you see/hear/think/feel if you completed the work of your partnership?]
Getting underneath individual interests and drivers in a partnership is a key first step in uncovering your collective vision for the partnership. It might also help you to learn more about the individual humans and/or individual organisations you intend to partner with. Follow this first question with:
2. Is a partnership the only way to achieve this outcome?
Be open to exploration here - some prompting questions might be:
What other options exist for achieving this outcome?
Is a partnership still the best way to achieve this?
Partnerships are often the first option we consider when an idea or challenge arises that requires a form of collaboration to deliver an outcome, but it’s not always the only way to achieve your outcome. Exploring a range of collaboration models upfront is recommended. I recently spoke with Lea Stadtler, an academic from the Grenoble Ecole de Management who is undertaking an in-depth study into partnership closure. She shared one of her favourite quotes on the subject:
“Partnering is complex and time-consuming. The academic partnership gurus Chris Huxham and Siv Vangen thus concluded "Don’t do it unless you have to." But when do you have to? This brings up the classic make-buy-or-ally question. What can my organization do unilaterally (and only loosely coordinate with others)? What parts could it access through contracts and market transactions (e.g. with the help of a consultant)? And only for tasks that are difficult to split up, are constantly evolving, and require a complex combination of different actors’ expertise and resources, partnering might be a valid option.”
If the answer is no - it doesn’t mean you should give up on your dream, but it might indicate more time is needed to align around your personal goals before diving in. There are other perfectly fine options available that don’t require a partnership approach. These might include informal networks, strategic alliances and co-operatives.
The final question to consider is:
3. What would our ‘ending’ look like if we got it right for our partnership?
There are so many different aspects to consider when answering this question and I list some common considerations below. To navigate and document the complexities of your ideal ending, I recommend engaging independent professional support such as business, partnerships, financial or legal advisors to help you.
When I asked a connection to reflect on what they wished they did differently following a difficult ending to their purpose-driven business partnership, their advice was to have a third-party support: “A neutral person is critical both at set up and also to attend regular meetings or to help facilitate the tougher conversations.”
Common factors to consider when thinking about the ‘ending’
As a starting point, here is a list of common factors to include in your conversation. An early warning… you might feel like some of these factors are counter-intuitive and not easy to consider so early in the process. I encourage you to remain open (there is no perfect answer) and, as good practice document your conclusions as part of your your partnership agreement. The more specific the better.
"Letting lawyers draft up vague agreements can be worse than not having one. I've seen people dragging other people through the courts deliberately to hurt the other party via legal fees. People jump into business without considering if their values or long term plans are aligned."
- Sarah Pilling
First, contemplate the desired result of the ‘ending’ partnership and the kind of relationship you want to exist between partners afterwards - the diagram below from the Partnership Brokers Association provides a useful framing to think about potential outcomes you might wish to pursue as your partnership moves on. They include scaling or innovating the partnership to evolve your impact, embedding the core principles or offering of the partnership into a ‘business as usual’ activity, or bringing the business of your partnership to a total completion.
Image: Moving on options for partners to consider, reproduced with kind permission from the Partnership Brokers Association.
Once you have your preferred moving-on state in mind, consider these additional elements:
The evidence that will help you identify when it is time to move on with the partnership - what will you be able to observe?
The role that the principles of your partnership will play in the ‘ending’ - what would it look like to embody those principles as you uncouple?
The ideal timeline for the ‘ending’ - what time-based limits will you apply to the process?
Responsibilities of each party during the ‘ending’ - just as you will define your role during the partnership, what role will you each play in the ending and once it has come to an end?
Intellectual Property rights and how you will manage these on an ongoing basis
Division / distribution of shares / financial interests or assets (e.g. valuation, buy out etc)
Management of any ongoing liabilities and responsibilities
Dispute resolution - how will you handle challenging conversations when they arise during your ending? Will you appoint a third-party for support? If so, what will be the trigger for this action to take place?
Confidentiality / competition - how will you treat the rights to clients, ongoing projects or other types of business assets?
Actions you will take to help any employees or stakeholders through the ending.
You may also wish to develop an agreed public narrative including a statement on the value and outcomes achieved through the partnership and your shared reason for ending. You might want to imagine delivering this as part of an event celebrating the outcomes your partnership has achieved.
Don’t set and forget!
Of course, your partnership will evolve over time - let these questions and considerations guide an ongoing conversation throughout the life of the partnership. Review your answers to these questions periodically and update them as you need to. This will keep your intent front and centre and guide you through turbulent times.
“The more one thinks about the ‘ending,’ the more facets come to the surface: The implications for each partner, the implications for the partners’ relationships and interactions, the implications for sustaining the value created, as well as the implications for other, related initiatives. My research actually shows that, over time, partnerships become deeply embedded in their context which makes it difficult to simply ‘pull out’.”
- Lea Stadtler
Start your next partnership by talking about the ending
When we think about the ‘ending’ early and often in purpose-driven partnerships, we create the opportunity to shift from a break-up to a celebration of what was and what is thanks to the partnership you created. When we document those thoughts, we create a container of intent that is enduring and can guide our partnerships through even the most turbulent moments. So brave humans, start now by asking 3 important questions:
What would make you satisfied to walk away from this all?
Is a partnership the only way to achieve this outcome?
What would our ‘ending’ look like if we got it right for our partnership?